kay rage, ryan, sir nube,
o kung anuman ang tawag niyo sa kanya,
pakisabi, mahal ko siya.
he knows, but please tell him still. you might be of help in keeping him reminded of our fairytale. and that, it would end with happily ever after.
–
for his students, because he told me they religiously check this blog for updates.
this is how i wanna immortalize my artistry. CLICK.
yan, maliban sa obsession ni liyab na gumawa ng tamagotchi. *tawa*
~*~
pikon si boylet. ayaw pumasok sa trabaho ngayon dahil sa kanchawang ngyari kahapon:
him: pare, ikakasal na’ko.
officemate: kelan pare?
him: sa june.
officemate: bwahahaha.
officemate: hoi, announcement! ikakasal na daw c ryan!
faculty room (in unison): kelan?
officemate: sa june!
faculty room (in unison again): bwahahahaha
janitor: sir, balita ko ikakasal ka na daw
him: salamat naman at may naniniwala sa akin.
janitor: maniniwala talaga ako sir… sa june! bwahaha
gwardiya: sir, congrats sa kasal!
him: salamat.
gwardiya: sana maging masaya ka sir…. sa june!
him: sir, ikakasal npo ako.
principal: bwahahaha. alam ko na kung kelan
him: po?
principal: sa june!
here’s a discovery: God communicates with me via the worldwide web.
lately, i have been contemplating on killing rakistangnars.com for good for the simple reason that everything in between 2004 and 2008 is fatal to the love of my life. Rage murders himself in guilt and in pain with each snippet i have weaved with and/or for all the gentlemen who tried to fit in his (rage) shoes.
the male portfolio is by now, irrelevant, i could always bestow it to the nearest shredder available.
but what holds me back are the bigger pieces of myself beneath my literary circuses. it is excruciating to let go of the pebbles i have gathered and saved to make the boulders and pavements that made me endure and persevere all the torments i’ve had in the past years.
i regained my self worth by bleeding to write. and if only, i was as detached as before, it would be very easy for me to stand for what i desire. but now, it is a different story. here comes somebody whose tears i could never afford to see drop on the pages of my youthful recklessness.
i hid the archives, alright. but each night, i weep with an overwhelming sense of shame and doubt over the very things that were once source of utmost pride. it made me question my pseudo-popularity. was it because of the controversy of writing sins? or the novelty of relationship freelancing? or the little voice that says, “somehow, the pureness of my heart have been read past the tactlessness of my speech”?
in each slumber, i ask God for answers.
a blog hop, then as harbinger of good news, Ate Ai made space for these in her blog…
~*~
hearing these people say nice things about me is enough to rest my case. somehow, through strangers who aren’t really strangers after all, i believe, i was able to get my message across.
Rage is hurt only because he loves me so much. Censoring my writing because of previous subjects is never tantamount to subjecting my self-worth into question again.
(click picture to read actual text)
~*~
in our core, we’re linked
by the cord of life itself,
an umbilicus
when the world is contracted
and there’s only you and me
~*~
kaya tayo kapit-tuko.
wala ka pag wala ako.
mga quotable quotes ni liyab atbp.
***
beb, tang-ina wag ka bumitaw jn.
***
u r my redemption. my present revelation in this rebellious underworld. mnmk.
***
you just don’t get it, how much i love you. wag sana lumaki ulo mo, haha.
***
ako: wala akong alam na household chores.
siya: asawa hanap ko, hndi katulong ano kb!
***
ako: sana kasi ginawa na natin un nun eh.
siya: wag ka mag-alala, lintek lng ang wlang ganti 
***
siya: uwi kna pls
ako: bakit?
siya: kiss tayo sa harap ng maraming tao
***
ako: sabi ni parh congressman ka daw. sa lahat ng congress, merong pnopormahan.
siya: sabihin mo sa kanya, hindi ka na congresswoman. first lady na po kita.
***
siya: di ako makatulog.
ako: bakit
siya: baliw na ata ako sa’yo
***
ako: pa’no pag naghiwalay tayo?
siya: pag nagkita tayo muli, single pa rin ako.
***
parang awa mo na, gumawa na tayo.
***
tita: nagtext si ryan.
ako: ano sabi?
tita: panahon na daw pra lumaban at makipagsabayan siya sa nararamdaman niya.
ako: naks naman.
tita: gaga, siya na. wag ka na maghanap ng iba.
***
ako: mom, gabalik na ming ryan.
mommy: salamat. kay sa tanan nimo uyab, siya ra akong ganahan.
***
ako: bakit ayaw mo’kong mawala pa ulit?
siya: eh nagyabang na’ko dito eh. hahaha.
***
amnesia era is over
awakening has finally taken over
(you)
a salvation that never holds back
in tremors and turmoils
beyond d depths of evil
***
i don’t share my wife.
***
u have defied my poetry.
***
wag mo kalimutan, u r my lost atlantis.
nitong nakaraan, pahirapan bago ako makasulat. iba kasi pag di bola, dudugo ka muna bago makabuo ng talata. nakapagtatakang bigla tayong nilimot ng musang buong buhay nating kaagapay.
bihag na ng puso ang manunulat, kaya nagtatampo ang panulaan.
halatang pilit ang ingles na pinapakawalan ng ating mga tinta. nakakapanlumo, lalo na’t naturingan ka pa namang propesor ng salitang banyaga, at ako, nasa bansang ito ang ang pangunahing salita. sa madaling sabi, ingles ang bumubuhay at nagpapakain sa atin.
pero bakit ayaw umagos ng diwa sa papel ng ating pag-ibig? sabi mo, kasi makata ang ating mga puso. sa totoong buhay, nagiingles lang tayo kapag nag-aaway. kasi mas mabilis ang daloy ng poot, galit, tampo, at naguguluhang puso kapag me kalakip na shyet at pakyu.
pero ang lambing, ang pangako ng hambambuhay, di saklaw ni ginoong webster. mas ramdam natin ang lutong ng “mahal na mahal kita” kesa “aylabyu”.
kaya di ko na pipilitin pang magsulat ng di naman kayang basahin ng iyong puso.
—
nga pala, patawad,
kahit nananagalog,
cebuano pa rin ang ang aking tono 
isang araw sa balagtasan nina alab at liyab…
~♥~
rain: napapagod na’ko.
rage: gaga ka pag pinakawalan mo’ko.
~♥~
ang sarap magkaboypren ng tibak.
No matter how hard you try not to, you fall. and it’s scary as hell. But if there’s one good thing about falling, it’s the chance you give others to catch you.
-Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy
laftrip ang tibay natin. maiiyak kang matatawang di ka makapaniwala na nagkakatotoo rin pala ang mga panaginip.
yung parents natin, kahit nkita nla kung paano tayo nilalanggam sa lambing nun, napapabilib pa rin kung paano tayo naghanapan at naghintayan. walang panama ang mga lab stories nila.
yun mga tao natin sa publication, binobomba tayo ng mga tanong kng bakit “naulit muli”. sinasaluhan nila tayo habang binabalikan natin kung paano nagkainlaban ang dalawang matatapang na manunulat na bago nagkakilala, ni ayaw banggitin ang nakakasukang salitang “pag-ibig”.
lahat ng taong nakita at nakilala tayo noon, masaya para sa atin. yung mga bagong kaibigan na ngayon lng nalaman ang kwento natin, napapaluha din sa galak.
lahat, pinapangarap na magkaroon din sila ng kung anong meron tayo.
kaya beb, kahit tumtaba na’ko, kahit payatot ka pa rin, isipin natin lagi na marami ang mamamatay na lang na di nakikita ung trulab nila. alagaan natin to, ipagyabang, inggitin pa natin ang buong mundo.
wag po sana nating ipahiya ang ating fans club. hahaha.
—
habang sinusulat ko to, naglalaba ka. ka teks ko kapatid mo kasi ayaw mong mabato ako kahihintay matapos ka. ayaw mo ring bigyan ako ng pagkakataon na magtext sa iba, haha.
see, i’m being mundane. najojologs rin pala ang mga tulad kong feeling dyosa 
if anything, you made me reckon there is sucrose in sacrifice.
you are a cilice, spikes pointing inwards i bleed in each nerve twitch. for a world who has stood audience for my cowardice, it is a wonder where i get the bravery i exercise in your wake.
you are heaven’s final exam. once i pass this, i am free to die. my selfishness has trickled down from your eyes, my pride has brushed itself in your cheeks and my conceit has died in your lips.
you are my humility, my silence. my last labor in this herculean stage.
of all things, i did not love you for your perfection. i did, for your brokenness. and the more you get chipped, marred, dinted, the more i find beauty in you.
you are the missing shard when once, i fell into the abyss that was earth and was wrecked into shedloads of broken pieces.
your affection has made me a whole vessel again.
so despite us being a paronym of all things painful, i will always be proud that i have beaten both ends of the world just to have you—
—back.
—
for our tearful Fridays. lablab beb. hug.
half a decade, and i’m still your friggin’ fan. but each time i frivolously tell you these things, you send me virtual hugs. i close my eyes and feel you kiss my forehead. you let go of that nose twitch, marveling at my naiveness.
you tell me, in your crunchy tagalog, that conversations need not be recorded and little nothings need no screenshots. because we’ll have those still, everyday, for the rest of our lives.
you gave me the gift of silence. before your arrival obeyed my need for intimacy, to hush is excruciating. but your ardor enveloped me in an armor so resilient, i do not anymore burn myself when i close my mouth shut.
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